How To Boost Self Esteem With Positive Self Talk
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| Photo: Scott Snyder |
Have you ever paid close attention to the self talk that is always going on in your head? Close your eyes and think of the last thing that you were telling yourself right now. What do you notice?
Is it affirmative and encouraging or is it pessimistic and discouraging? When you start out on something new, what is the first thought that comes to your mind? Is it – I will do it, or is it, I may not be able to do it!?
You may be giving yourself negative messages without being aware of them, thinking that it is a perfectly normal thing to do. These are the messages that you usually pick up during your childhood –from teachers, parents, relatives and other people around you. Unconsciously you internalize them and start repeating the same things. Those who were giving these messages may have been doing so out of a genuine concern for you, or perhaps because of their own negative attitude.
But, when you internalize them, you start giving yourself negative self talk over and over again. You do it more often when you are under stress and also when you are living with people who are generally critical of you. It is said that you require five positive messages to counter one negative message about you. So, first thing -- run away from people who are overly critical and are always saying negative things about you. Boost self esteem by maximizing your contact with people who appreciate you. When you listen to negative messages from others, you may start to believe them!
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Boost Self Esteem By Rewiring Your Mind
It is extremely important to become aware of the self talk you are giving yourself. Take the following three steps to break the patterns that may be pulling you down.
Become aware: As a first step for improving low self esteem, become aware of the critical dialogues that go on in your mind. Try to become aware of the kind of criticism and negative judgments that you deliver for your own self. Carry a notepad with you for a few days, and jot down the thoughts that cross your mind. Try to become aware of the patterns—situations and circumstances under which your self criticism increases or decreases.
Reality check: It will help you if you do a reality check on the self talk that goes on in the background. You may take the help of a friend or counselor for telling you the truth or you may do the exercise yourself when you are in a good mood and are not going through a period of self criticism and self doubt.
Ask yourself these questions about each of the dialogues –
- Is this message really true?
- Would a well meaning person say this to another person? If not, why am I doing this?
- What am I gaining by giving the negative self talk? If it makes me fell bad about myself, should I not try to stop this?
Take the help of someone whom you trust and who you believe has your best interest in his or her heart. Knowing the truth will help you to take steps in the right direction to boost self esteem.
Rewrite the dialogues: Now, your next step is to replace the negative self talk with the positive self talk. Take up the list of dialogues that you have noted down by observing your patterns of negative thoughts. Make a new list: on the left hand side write down the old negative dialogues, and on the right, write down the new positive thoughts that will replace them.
Whenever you notice the occurrence of negative dialogue, stop it and repeat to yourself the positive dialogue that you have prepared in its place. Say it aloud, if it helps. You may pick up some convenient time during the day to repeat these positive dialogues for a few minutes.
Boost Self Esteem With Self Suggestions
When you are preparing the new positive dialogues make sure that they do not contain any references to the negative qualities. For example, 'I am not dumb' is not correct: 'I am smart' is. The dialogues should emphasize the good qualities in you and must be realistic.
It helps if you repeat the positive dialogues when you are deeply relaxed – while doing some deep breathing exercise, some relaxation exercise while going to sleep or when you have just woken up.
You may download Self Suggestion Kit to boost self esteem, increase optimism, and reduce stress levels. This audio will help you keep yourself on the right track.
Further Reading
When The Cause of Stress Is Low Self Esteem..
A Guide To Building Self Esteem
How To Cope With Stress And Anxiety
Six Simple Steps To Relaxation Response
Practice Self Hypnosis for Stress and Anxiety Relief
Ways To Improve Self Esteem in Children
